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I wish I had something interesting to say now...
Current Month
Dec. 18th, 2008 @ 07:04 pm I'll be home for christams
Seriously, I'll be in Shreveport from the 21st to the 27th. If anyone wants to hang out, I'm game.

Peace and Love
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Sep. 10th, 2008 @ 09:50 pm more cowbell
 Make your own at MoreCowbell.dj 
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Aug. 25th, 2008 @ 09:05 pm Steven's first day
Yesterday I met some of Lauren's friends. I mentioned that I would be working at a game company as a tester, and one of them told me they were envious of me.

I've just spent 8 hours playing a quiz-show game on a cell phone.

Peace and Love
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Aug. 24th, 2008 @ 02:31 pm Steven expresses in words a situation that is common in human society and needs no description
For the past few nights, I've had quite a bit of trouble sleeping. Though I would stay in bed around 9 or even 10 hours, by the afternoon I would be drowsy again, wanting nothing but to lay down and take a nap. Last night the trouble escalated when I spent the night in and out of bed in attempts to fall unconscious. I ended up reading an online version of Flatland, a story written in 1886 about a square in a 2 dimensional society who is visited upon by a sphere from Spaceland, who then attempts to give the square an understanding of 3 dimensional space when the square can only perceive two.

This loss of sleep is due in part likely to the situation I find myself in now. The speeches of my elders finally and bitterly hit home for me, those words about the "real world." Like the square in Flatland, I was unable to understand their message, and like the sphere, they were unable to convey their ideas in terms that were understandable to me in my present condition.

In a way I was ready for it in that I knew it was coming, but I would know nothing of how it would strike me.

Now summer is over, and I am not returning to school. The feeling is odd. When I graduated, I had dreams that I had forgotten to take one class and that my degree had been revoked, or that I was missing class altogether and had not left College. Each dream held in common the odd feeling of being done with something that has taken over 16 years. My new dreams present this in a different way. Now I dream consistently that I follow Lauren to her classes, sneaking in on lectures and talking to students. Though I am not supposed to be there I go anyways, not knowing anything else to do. When I am awake, Lauren talks to me about her orientation sessions, the classes, the rules, and the people that she meets. I feel like I've missed something, not in a regretful way, but as if I was just supposed to be there and wasn't. It's not that I want to go with her, I just feel odd that these are no longer my own experiences and that they would go on without me.

The real world is all about the uncertainty of freedom. After college, I've been given no sign, no direction, only my degree. There is no next step, only an empty field. When I first graduated, I applied to all the jobs I've ever wanted, and I never heard back from any of them. It was likely because I was applying to jobs in Los Angeles from Shreveport, but the reason is not important. The effect was the dissolution of the path I thought I knew. School -> College -> Job. Upon actually reaching L.A., I should have spent my time reapplying to those jobs with my new address. Instead I worked other angles, looking for entry positions that would give me the experience to make it up to where I wanted to be.

I'm a QA tester now. I'll start my first day of work tomorrow. But there is no path. I can't "graduate" from tester to lead test, or assistant producer, or whatever. Each career move is a fight in itself. I simply do one indefinitely until I have my chance at another.

I've been bouncing around everywhere in this post, so I should summarize. I've lost the security that the system had given me. I no longer ride the escalator of education, I now take the stairs of which each step upward must be made of my own will. And that feels very strange. I don't wish I had gone to Graduate School, because I realize that would only prolong the inevitable. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'd be guaranteed a job and a direction upon completion of a Masters, but I'm starting to doubt it, especially for the industry I've chosen. I'm just trying to get used to now knowing what I'm going to do or need to do for the next 70 years.

Peace and Love
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Aug. 22nd, 2008 @ 11:51 am (no subject)
I had a weird dream the other night.

I dreamed that I was in a 7-11 and that I was looking for some food. The place had these huge bins of giant meatball sandwiches, and I wanted one of those, but someone took the last edible looking one. So then I settled on a hot dog, but the tip of it looked kind of funny. It was swollen and kind of yellow and blackish, like it was diseased.

Right after I got to the counter and bought it, I woke up. And you know, I was actually kind of sad. I had just spent all this time buying a hot dog in my dream, and then before I can enjoy it I wake up. That happens to me sometimes. I struggle in my dream to get some object that the dream demands I desire, only to wake up before I can enjoy it.

Also, the dream was a little homo-erotic. That hot dog was really big, and as I said before, it had this kind of swollen diseased end. In the dream I kept thinking about how big the hot dog was, and how it was "all about the width, not the length."

I have no idea why I'm sharing this.

The night before, I had a dream that I was climbing my way into a skyscraper. It was a game studio, and I was trying to break in so I could talk to people and just be a part of it. I got in through an open window, and I started to walk around. It was like a wonderland, and I felt a sense of belonging just being there. Then I was stopped by a security guard. I told him how I got in, and how I just wanted to see what it was like to be a part of it all. He listened to my story and let me pass.

Suddenly, I'm back outside the studio. I'm trying to show Lauren how I broke in, and she's climbing ahead of me. She makes it to the top of the ladder, but all of a sudden the concrete holding the ladder up breaks. Lauren tries to help by pulling the ladder towards her, but it only weakens the connections and finally it starts to fall. My only hope is to kick off the side of the building so I hit the river (?) instead of the concrete. I fall, Lauren screams. I hit the water like it is concrete. I do NOT wake up before I make contact. Instead, I sink into the water, the incredible torrents pulling me downward towards the bone-crushing boulders that roll along the river bed. And I start to drown.

Then I wake up.

Peace and Love
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Jul. 9th, 2008 @ 01:45 am I just about died laughing
Possibly NSFW

Peace and Love
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Jun. 30th, 2008 @ 12:55 pm A Game I Made
Hey guys. I made a game. Feel free to rate it or anything...


No Extra Lives
Added: 25 June 2008
By: AerodynamicHair

Also, let's get this Risk party thing figured out. If you want to play or know someone who wants to play, comment below. We need at least four people, and at most six, so invite friends or people who aren't on livejournal or whatnot. I'll wait until I see enough people's names below.

And I guess I'll just count in Lisa and Mark, since they commented earlier. We'll figure out the date as we go.

Peace and Love
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Jun. 27th, 2008 @ 01:07 pm Risk Party?
I should probably be doing this on Facebook or something, but I've never gotten into these new-fangled social networking sites...

So, anyone want to do a Risk party? I was thinking we could all get together with a game of Risk, paint our faces the color of our pieces, and yell at each other like diplomatic warlords or something.

Anyone want to get this together with me? We need six people.

-Peace and Love
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Jun. 6th, 2008 @ 02:07 pm I NEED A JOB!
So I've been applying to jobs for about three weeks now. Haven't really heard anything back from anyone. This kind of sucks.

Oh, sorry. I realize I haven't updated this in a while. Well, let me get you up to speed: I've graduated from Centenary, got myself a B.A., and now I'm moving to Los Angeles in August. I've been using career websites and the like to try and secure a job in LA before I go, with the thought that if I get a good one, I'll move out early. So far, no luck.

Now I'm looking for a local job, something I can dump in two months. Needless to say, no one wants to hire you when you don't plan on sticking around, and I'd like a little extra money to lean on when I get to California.

Peace and Love
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Apr. 17th, 2008 @ 09:39 pm Holy Crap!
I made a t-shirt! If you vote it up, they'll pay me!
My Threadless.com Submission

Go! Do my bidding!


Peace and Love
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